Culture Week=Free Stuff

Unfortunately, I found out about Culture Week as the week was coming to a close. I did, however, get to go see the number one thing on my list FOR FREE! Drumrollllllllllllll

COLOSSUS!

Oh wait. I am confused with a potential baby name of the Dunns (the first Dunns not the second Dunns--which, by the way, do you guys still have my beautiful drawing because maybe we should show that on here to scare people. Tell you what, we will save it for Halloween along with Lindsey's weird hamster pic. Is it too late to apologize?) Let me try again . . .

THE COLOSSEUM!



This is the moment when the guest storyteller steps in. Please darken the lights. Kick back your chairs. And let your minds wander to Ancient Rome. (Disclaimer: What you are about to read contains messages that are irrelevant to actual history and fictitious portrayals of how little the storyteller actually knows about ancient Rome. Please, no flash photography. Any use of this material without written consent is prohibited.)

Once upon a time there was a foreigner in Rome named Guinevere (not to be confused with Arthur's adulterous wife).

As a beauty of fair hair and skin, her charms were much sought after and valued. She walked not one meter without hearing "Ciao Bella" (Bella=beautiful, not to be confused with the Twilight twit). Ergo, it went without surprise that she was invited to the colossal venue for a show.

Unfortunately for her hosts, she was both a human-rights and an animal-rights activist. Neither the inviters nor the invited knew of the extreme disapproval that was about to unfold.

She looked below and saw a huge wooden floor.

Underneath was a world of tunnels and trapdoors for both man and beast.


The "show" began with a depiction of a recent Roman conquest upon the high seas. As weapons flew through the air, she saw actual blood fall to the ground. Her eyes grew in horror when she saw men, women, and children cheering, or worse: yawning. She was a polite guest, but she could not watch, instead she let her eyes glaze over.

Then came the hunts. Animals, starved and beaten, were let loose in strategic areas. Man hunted beast. Beast hunted man. Guinivere held herself together until one animal entered, and she could take no more. Her love, the elephant, girded in materials embedded with spikes and other weapons entered the scene.

She flew to the top of the Colosseum and looked out at the crowd of 50,000 below.

(in truth, this was just a hair check photo, turned out a little epic so I kept it.)

"OH THE HUMANITY! YE FIENDS OF THE BLOODTHIRSTY AND LOWEST IN-HABITATIONS OF THE EARTH. HAVE YE NO SHAME? THE ELEPHANT SHOULD BE ALLOWED TO BE BIG AND EAT WITHOUT FEAR OF BEING BROUGHT INTO THIS AREA POLLUTED WITH THE EXISTENCE OF THEY WHO HAVE NO CONSCIENCE! AND IF THE ELEPHANT HAS THAT RIGHT, SO DO ALL ANIMALS. AND IF THAT IS SO, THEN SO DO ALL MEN."

Her activism went unheard and they moved from hunts to gladiator fights. Men, prisoners or souls unfavored by the fates, fought for the upper hand in combat as to avoid the thumbs up or thumbs down of the emperor when defeated. Guinivere shook as she watched, still maintaining her lofty perch.

Guinivere was actually from Atlantis, so if you saw that cartoon with the voice of Michael J. Fox you KNOW that those people have special powers. She called upon the juju within her, and drew lightening from the sky. A fire started and shrieks began. The damage to the animals and men below invoked no horror, but damage to the beloved arena sent chills down the stretch of back where a spine should have been inside senators, citizens, and entrepreneurs who benefited from the games. She could not reach them with words, but all made an exit that day and for a time things were put to rest.

As for our heroine, she released the animals and rode away from Rome on the back of the elephant. No Roman ever saw her again, but admirers and intellectuals built a statue of her. But soon even they couldn't continue the story to convince others of her words. Story turned to legend. Legend turned to myth. Myth turned to dim memory that left only a crumbling, unnamed statue.


A small opinion-based follow up will continue tomorrow. Do not fear this lengthy post. Tomorrow's will be nothing but simple. The two previous statements may also be fictitious. Decide for yourself which of the above was fact and which was fiction.