Some people are meant to be nannies . . . and some aren't.

I am the latter. I am not enjoying my job at all.

SO

I AM QUITTING.

I have decided to try teaching for a while. I had researched a program before I decided to nanny and I thought it would be cool to try if this other plan didn't work out. So now that Plan A hasn't worked out, I am going to go to plan B. I will live in Florence for four weeks while I go through the program. Then I am in the job market. The good thing is that I will be certified to teach anywhere in the world. So no matter what I will always have this certification. Too bad I have to work for another month before I can give my two weeks notice. Just the timing of it all.

I finally have started to smile freely since I made this decision. I don't know how it will all turn out, but I am so ready to get out of here.

My reasons for quitting are two-fold. Meaning that I am at fault and the family is at fault.

I am at fault because I had no idea how independent I have become since I graduated from college. I thought it would be nice to become a part of a different family. Post-graduation Megan has learned that her family is the only family that can ever be family. I had no idea how much I would hate living where I would have to ask permission to do everything. I also feel like I have been nannying for a whole year because I worked for Helen for so long. I think I am just tired of it.

The family is not very nice to live with because the mother is always angry at me, at the kids, at anyone. I constantly feel like I am walking on eggshells. I have developed really weird complexes and I lie a lot now. I feel like if I am honest about where I am going or what I did in the day I will get in trouble and put in "the boo boo box" or something. I lie about checking my email, or going to my friend's house. Does that seem normal to you? I don't like being dishonest. I don't eat the same, go to the bathroom, use the internet, talk on the phone, or do anything with freedom. I can't even have my room a mess if I want to because she goes in there! When I feel controlled I stop cleaning. So my room is almost always a disaster and that bothers her. I don't feel like there is room for me in this family. It is like the idea of having someone was nice for them, but the reality of it is that they don't even have time for me to be with the kids. There are whole days that pass that I don't see one or the other kids because of the schedule the parents give them. Sometimes when that happens they say, "you were free Wednesday so you should work for us Saturday morning." That makes me really angry. They don't remember that I waited the whole day Wednesday for them to tell me what to do only to be updated minutes before each canceled task.

Before I came here I had a lot of goals. I wanted to learn the language, travel, try all kinds of food and resturants etc. None of my goals are being accomplished, mostly because of the nature of this job. I feel like I might as well be working in some corner in Idaho. The truth is that this job does not advance my career, gives me extraordinary skills, or allows me to have any friends. There is almost no benefit for me to stay in this job. So I am getting out. I just feel like I don't have time to waste being unhappy.

The first month I just thought I was homesick. The second I thought that I was still just learning everything. This third month I just realized I was not in a happy home and I have no desire to remain there. I feel no dedication to the family and I am just ready to cut loose. I would rather spend Christmas alone than with this family. Hopefully I will. That all being said . . .

IT IS ALMOST CHRISTMAS! I am going to have Christmas surprises coming soon on the blog so check back on Monday!

Thanks for supporting me, being on Facebook chat (Nicki) the day I decide to quit, missing me, thinking of me, COOKING (both Lindse/ay's, Rachael- the little perfect hostess, Nicki the beautiful classic chef, Ashley or is Scott the chef- I saw that bread he made!) i know the cooking is for me. Mom, I miss you. I so want to watch A Good Year and The Grinch and LOTR (trev and linds have them if they haven't returned them) with you. Sisters- I am so glad we have our own secret sisters page on Facebook. Beau: there is no single chess piece in Italy. Bryce & Beckah, prayers are with you. Keep the faith. Dad, I wish I could tell you to stop eating half a block of cheese.


Love you all,

Megan